Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
