good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
