Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
