Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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