One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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