Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
