she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
