handjob tips. give me some.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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