If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
