The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
