I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he's single and there are thong briefs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
