I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
