i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
