She is in my trunk
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
