careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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