Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
