she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
