woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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