You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
how drunk are you?
Several
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
