He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
