He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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