So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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