Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
