If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
