3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
