They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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