I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just gift wrapped bread.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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