I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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