I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
why is half of my head shaved?
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