don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
