so explain again why im purple
no
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
