TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
