If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
