how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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