Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
