if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
nutella sex= disaster
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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