i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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