$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
