I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
