and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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