Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
