Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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