My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
