I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
