My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
