so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
