yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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