He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
