im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
