Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
