when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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