He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You're a waste of cheezeits
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
