My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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