i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
