Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think your dad took our porno
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
