there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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