I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
