He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
4 words: hood of his car
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
