Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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