you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just had sex on a roof
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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