I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
