Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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