I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
