1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
