You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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