just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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