From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize