Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
