just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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