I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
